


Sorry to my Unknown Lover

by SaCarroll1691



Series: Unknown Lover [2]
Category: The Flight Attendant (TV)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, brain washing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:41:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29538369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaCarroll1691/pseuds/SaCarroll1691
Relationships: Miranda Croft/You
Series: Unknown Lover [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2170065
Comments: 29
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

You stopped counting how long you’ve been in this horrible place. You are so medicated you feel like a zombie. Nothing brings you joy and nothing hurts you. It’s like you’re unable to cry anymore. They feed you pills to make you sleep. You don’t like the pills they make you see contorted faces that haunt you. You go to all the groups and all the therapy sessions. You have family visitation twice a week. Melody always shows up. She talks and you ignore her. The food is barely edible. Bathrooms don’t have doors and having a flashlight shined in your eyes every 15 minutes at night is anything but pleasant. The only thing that you don’t mind is art therapy. You have dozens of paintings in your room of blue eyes. You hold onto the memory of them no matter what. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“So who are they?” Cassie asked. 

“What?” Miranda looked up from her drink. 

“Who are you worrying about?” Cassie asks. 

“Look I don’t do this. Like opening up.” Miranda replies. 

“Alright, if you change your mind.” Cassie smiles. 

“I won’t.” Miranda responds to Cassie’s smiling face. 

“They must be really important.” Cassie pushes. 

“Oh for the love of God (mumbled under her breath) she is really important, okay?” Miranda breathes out. 

“So what’s the problem?”

“Someone is going through a lot of effort to hide her from me.” 

“Why? You’re not trying to kill her are you?” 

“No it isn’t like that.” Miranda shakes her head. 

“So who is hiding her from you?” 

“I don’t know but I will find out.” Miranda said closing the subject. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
They go up on your medication without explaining. You thought you were pretty stable to be honest. As the days pass you realize you can’t remember much of anything. Like how to get to the cafeteria or even people’s names. You still dream of blue eyes but you can’t remember who they belong to. You can’t even remember why you are in this place. A few weeks later Melody comes to take you home they tell you. 

“Is this my apartment?” You ask when she has parked her car. 

“No, the lease came up so we moved you in here with us.” 

“Us?” You ask. 

“Matt and I.” She smiles. 

“Oh okay.” You nod. 

She shows you, your room and lets you get settled in. She reminds you that tomorrow you start back at your job. 

“What exactly is it I do?” You ask. 

“Oh you’re an accounting assistant.” She smiles. 

“Oh numbers...I can do that.” You reply. 

“Oh and Jane.”

“Yes?” You smile.

“It’s good to have you back.” She smiles as she walks out of your room. 

They tell you it’s probably best that while you train to your job again you answer phones and deal with people that walk in. You smile and agree. It’s ten minutes until closing when a woman with brunette hair and the most incredible blue eyes you have ever seen walks in. Her face is all angles but you find you like it. 

“Can I help you?” You smile politely. 

“I have been looking everywhere for you for the past six months.” She says. 

“Oh, why?” She seems as if she knows you but you have no clue who she is. 

“Y/N it’s me.” She says. 

“I’m sorry, you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Jane.” 

“No it isn’t.” She says. 

“Did you need something? Because we are about to close and my ride will be here in a few minutes.” You’re confused but you’re still trying to be polite and professional. 

She shakes her head no. You notice she looks like she might cry. 

“Alright, well have a good day...I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.” 

“It’s Miranda. Miranda Croft.” She smiles and removes her glove to shake your hand. 

You feel like all your nerve endings are on fire. You pull your hand away quickly like you have been burned. You watch as a look of hurt crosses her face before she walks out.


	2. Chapter 2

“Jane.” Your supervisor Tara calls. 

“Yes?” You walk to her office. 

“We need you to go on the coffee run this morning.”

“Alright.” You smile and take the paper from her that has everyone’s order on it. 

You’re standing in line at the coffee place just down the street from your office. 

“Are you not working today?” A voice asks. 

“I am, coffee run.” You smile showing her the paper in your hand. “Did you find who you were looking for, Miranda right?” 

“It’s complicated.” She says. 

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t the right person.” You look at your shoes suddenly feeling self conscious. 

She reaches her hand out like she wants to touch you but thinks better of it at the last second. You watch her make a fist instead. 

“Next.” The barista calls. 

“Well that’s me. I’ll see you.” You smile waving at Miranda. 

She gives you a sad smile as she walks away. 

~Later that night~

“Melody, I was thinking...”

“Yes?” Melody looks up at you. 

“I feel like a third wheel here with you and Matt. I would like to start looking for a place of my own again.” 

“Jane are you sure you’re ready?” She asks. 

“I think so. Don’t worry I won’t move too far. We will still see each other.” You smile hugging her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
You’re standing in line to get coffee before you start apartment hunting. 

“Good morning.” 

You smile before even looking up to meet the blue eyes you know you will see. 

“Hi, Miranda.” You smile. 

“So what are you doing today?” She inquires. 

“Apartment hunting. I don’t feel very at home being a third wheel at my best friend’s apartment.” You admit.

“I’m looking for a roommate.” Miranda blurts out. 

“Oh? You live alone?” You inquire. 

All you need is to insert yourself into another third wheel situation. 

“Yes I live alone.” 

“Okay, well let me get some coffee and you can show me your place.” You smile. 

Miranda’s apartment is very plain and doesn’t feel like a home. She doesn’t have any pictures or anything that would help you understand who she is any better. 

“Did you just move in?” 

“Umm no...I just travel a lot.” She says as way of explanation. 

“So when can I move in?” You ask. 

“Today is good.” She smiles. 

“Okay.” You laugh. “I just need to see if my friend Melody can help me get my stuff.” 

You see a look cross Miranda’s face and it’s not a happy one. Honestly it’s frightening. 

“Are you alright? Is today not okay after all?” You ask. 

“Today is wonderful.” She smiles a mask sliding over her face. “I can drive you to get your stuff.” 

“Oh well if it’s not too much trouble.” You realize you’re blushing and you aren’t even sure why. 

“It’s not.” 

“Alright.” You nod as you follow her to get in her car. 

You climb in the passenger seat and a sense of deja vu washes over you. You feel dizzy all of a sudden. It’s like someone in your brain is trying to break free. 

“Hey, hey...you’re okay.” Miranda is holding your face making you look into her eyes. “Just breathe with me.” She makes sure you match your breath to hers. 

“I’m sorry...I don’t know what that was.” You say as you pull away from her touch. 

You pull up to Melody’s apartment complex. Miranda follows you to get your stuff. Melody opens the door. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Melody yells. 

“Wait you two know each other?” You’re so confused. 

“He said that you were dead.” Melody says. 

“He’s the one that is dead. Didn’t you think it was odd you hadn’t heard from him recently?” Miranda says. 

“Can someone explain what is going on?” You yell so that they will notice you. 

“You’re not leaving with her.” Melody says. 

“I’m an adult. I think I can make that decision on my own.” You say. 

“No, over my dead body.” Melody says. 

“That can be arranged.” Miranda says pulling out her knife. 

“What the fuck?” You’re terrified as you look at Miranda. 

“She did something to you and I am not letting you stay here.” Miranda says. 

“I have no idea what the hell is going on.” Your head is starting to hurt. 

“I’m taking her and that’s final.” Miranda says. She grabs your arm and lets you lead her to get your stuff. “All done?” Miranda asks you a little while later.

“Yes.” You say following her. 

“If you ever come near her again I swear I will kill you.” Miranda says to Melody. You watch as Miranda stabs Melody anyways.   
You are utterly terrified but you follow Miranda anyways. 

Miranda helps you bring your stuff into her apartment. 

“You know me.” You finally blurt out. 

“Yes, I do.” 

“You were looking for me when you came into my job.” You realize. 

“I was.” Miranda sits down on her sofa and pours herself a drink. 

“Why can’t I remember you?” 

“I am not sure what has been done to you.” Miranda says downing her drink and pouring another. 

“So who are you to me?” You ask. 

“Your girlfriend I guess would be the best label.” Miranda looks up at you. 

You open your mouth just to close it. You don’t know what you’re supposed to say to that “I’m going to get settled in and unpack. I will see you in the morning.” You know it’s pathetic to basically run and hide but you’re scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to put out as much as I can because I just bought paint for my bedroom and I know I am going to completely put my entire self into it and forget about writing.


	3. Chapter 3

You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of whimpering and moaning. You look at the clock on your nightstand it’s 2:00am. You climb out of bed and unlock your door and follow the sound to Miranda’s room. 

You walk in and unlike the rest of the house Miranda’s room seems to showcase a little of who she is. Miranda must have fallen asleep with her lamp on. There is a stack of books on the nightstand and one picture. You walk over and pick up the framed picture. It’s Miranda and you both in beautiful formal dresses. Your arms are around her neck and her’s are around your waist. You’re both looking into each other’s eyes and smiling. You’re not sure who took the candid photo of you both but you love it. You place the photo back down and focus your attention on the whimpering brunette. 

“Miranda.” You call gently. She doesn’t hear you. You climb onto her bed and gently shake her shoulder. 

She sits up right gasping for air. 

“Y/N you’re okay.” She says raking her eyes over your figure. The next thing you know she is crushing you to her chest. 

“Miranda.” You breathe in her scent. You want to tell her you go by Jane and don’t know the person she is looking for. There is a part of you though that doesn’t want to hurt her or break her heart. 

She pulls back and looks at your face. She takes a deep breath and says. “I love you.” 

Now should be the time to tell her you aren’t the girl she remembers but you can’t. Instead you press your lips to her lips. She pulls away and smiles at you. She pulls back the covers and motions for you to climb in. You get under the covers and she pulls you into her arms and holds you. 

“I was so scared I lost you forever.” She says into your hair. 

How do you tell her that she has lost you already though? Instead you match your breathing to hers and cuddle yourself in closer into her arms. 

You wake to soft daylight streaming in the window. It takes you a minute to remember where you are and how you got there. You think Miranda looks so peaceful. You find yourself tracing over her prominent cheekbones with your finger. She wakes and looks at you with those startling blue eyes of hers. 

“Y/N?”

You sigh because you don’t want to shatter the illusion but unfortunately you know you need to. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks. 

“I’m not the person you want me to be.” You say sadly. 

“But you’re exactly who I want.” She says. 

You shake your head no as a few tears fall. You watch as it clicks for her. 

“Oh Jane.” She says. 

You nod sadly. 

“It’s okay, we can figure this out together.” 

You smile sweetly at her. 

“First you’re quitting your job. Somehow they are in on it but I haven’t figured it completely out yet. Second you’re stopping all the medication they put you on in that place. Is all that alright with you?” 

“Yes.” You agree. 

“Do you remember anything before that place?” 

“No, I don’t even remember how I got there. Miranda what if we do all this and the damage is done and I can’t find my past anymore?” 

“I will still be here granted that’s what you want.” 

You smiled and gently cupped her check. 

“All I know is I don’t want to lose you. I have to show you something.” You get up and run out of the room going to your bedroom to grab something before running back. 

Miranda is sitting up on her bed waiting for you when you come back. You slide a folder to her. 

“What is this?” She asks.

“My things from when I was in the hospital.” You reply. 

Miranda opens the folder to dozen of pictures of her eyes. Some papers have ramblings about the things that could be remembered about her until the only thing left in your memory were her blue eyes. She looks through the papers and then she looks at you. 

“I’m sorry I have forgotten you.” You say as tears fall down your face. “I tried so hard and I am still trying to find you in this jumbled mess.” You say pointing at your head.


	4. Chapter 4

You don’t know where you are. Nothing seems familiar to you. You’re running from these large colorful monsters with extremely detailed faces. You’re getting closer to the edge of a cliff. You know you’re going to fall off. Suddenly the scene changes and you’re strapped to some cold table while people in white jackets discuss what to do to you. You hear words like electroshock therapy and even lobotomy. You think how that’s so out of date and barbaric surely no actual Doctor would do that to you. They stop talking and you think they have decided on a plan. You beg and plead with them to please don’t hurt you. They continue anyways. You scream one word before the pain and a white light takes you over. Miranda. 

No one comes though not then and not in your nightmares. There will be no savior. 

You wake and it’s the middle of the night. You feel like your brain has done some crazy reset and you can’t remember what your nightmare had been about. You’re also starting to panic because you don’t remember where you are. You were in the hospital last weren’t you? The only thing that is buzzing nonstop in your brain is the name Miranda. 

Whoever Miranda is she has to have the answers you desperately need. First things first you need to figure out where you are. You get up and walk out of your room. You realize you’re in an apartment. You find another room next to yours and you turn the non. It’s dark but it looks to be another bedroom. You walk closer to the bed. You realize a woman is sleeping in the bed the moonlight shining gently on her face. You reach out to touch her and the next thing you know you are pinned to the floor with a knife to your throat. 

“Please don’t hurt me.” You croak out. 

“Jane.” She sighs as she slowly backs off of you. “What are you doing in here?” 

“I’m Jane?” You ponder out loud. 

“Last time I checked the answer is yes.” She answers as she helps you up off the floor. 

“Who are you?” You ask. 

“Miranda.” She says. 

You let out a relieved sigh. “You’re my Miranda then.” 

“The answer to that is also yes the last time I checked.” 

You grabbed her hand and tugging her towards her bed. You climb in and snuggled into her as soon as she climbed in bed beside you. 

“Are you going to explain any of what happened in the past five minutes?” She demanded. 

“Miranda, I am just so tired.” You mumble before sleep takes you under. 

You wake in the morning to a very tired looking Miranda watching you. 

“I’m in your room.” You state. 

“Yep.” 

“In your bed.” 

“Yep.” 

“You look like you didn’t sleep much.”

“Yep.” She replies yet again. 

“Are you angry with me?” You ask suddenly worried. 

“Angry, no. Confused, yes.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You came in here in the middle of the night and you didn’t know who I was much less who you were. Now you wake up and you seem aware of our identities but not how you ended up in here.” 

“I’m sorry.” You say biting down on your lip. 

“It’s been almost two weeks since you stopped your medicine and I am afraid you might have been right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think the damage might have been already done.” She says with one of the saddest looks you’ve ever seen. “I think we should have a medical professional look you over to see if we can figure out what has been done to you.”

Suddenly you flashback to being strapped down on a cold table with people encircling you. You scream. Miranda has pulled you into her arms and back to the present. 

“I’m scared.” You tell her. 

“I won’t let you go alone.” She promises you. 

Miranda finds the perfect doctor she says you can trust him. The appointment is for Friday. Your anxiety builds the closer you get to Friday. You want some answers but are terrified of what will be unearthed. Friday comes and Miranda entwines her fingers with yours as you walk into the office to check in. You sign in and clutch Miranda’s hand tightly as you sit and wait for the nurse to call you back. A tall redheaded nurse calls, “Jane.” You clutch onto Miranda as you walk towards the smiling nurse. She takes your vitals and asks a few general questions before telling you both Dr. Harmon will be in with you momentarily. You nod and quietly thank her. 

Dr. Harmon is on the older side but he seems nice enough. Something in his green eyes seems so kind and caring. He asks you loads of questions that you have absolutely no answer to. He then tells you both he wants to do some blood work and also would like to do an MRI, maybe a CT scan. 

“Why an MRI?” You blurt out. 

“Because it could possibly show us damage without doing anything invasive.” He answers you in a way that seems he is trying to calm your nerves. 

“What kind of damage?” You ask suddenly. 

“Brain damage.” He responds grimly. 

“The CT Scan is for the same reason?” 

“Yes.” He replies. 

You nod. Before you know it they are taking vials of blood. Sending you over to the hospital next door. Where you give consent for the tests. Then they ask you to change into a paper gown and remove any metal you might be wearing. A few hours later you walk out into the lobby to find Miranda waiting for you. 

“I will have my results back in a few days.” You answer her unasked questions. “Please take me home.”

“Of course.” She says clutching your hand as you walk to the car. 

You get back to Miranda’s apartment and you both silently walk in. 

“So what do you want for dinner?” She asks. 

“Nothing. I just want to go to bed if you don’t mind.” 

She smiles and nods before kissing you gently on the forehead. 

“Goodnight Miranda.”

“Goodnight Jane.” 

Today had been stressful and your touched out. You strip off your clothes they reek of the hospital and you climb into bed. You fall into the first dreamless sleep you have had in months.


	5. Chapter 5

Two days go by before the doctor’s office calls you with updates on all your tests. 

“Ms. Y/L/N we have your test results in.” The voice on the other end of the line says. 

“Alright.” 

“Dr. Harmon wants you to come in to talk about them. We have an opening this afternoon are you available?” 

“Yes ma’am.” You reply feeling the anxiety grow in your chest. 

“We will see you at 2:30 then.” 

“Yes ma’am.” You hang up with her. 

Miranda was out and you could call her to go with you but honestly you already felt like such a burden. Hopefully you could go and make it back before she even noticed your absence. 

You get to the doctor’s office at 2:15pm and sign in at the front desk. You put your phone on silent and take a seat in the waiting area. You’re staring at one of the pictures on the wall when the nurses calls out Jane.

You smile politely and make your way over to her. She takes you to Doctor Harmon’s office and tells you to have a seat. 

“Jane, how are we today?” He asks as he walks in. 

“Okay, I guess. Just a little nervous.” You admit. 

“No Miranda today?” He asks. 

You shake your head no. 

“Well let’s get started shall we. We did find some brain damage. I’m not sure when you received it or what caused it.” 

“Is it causing my memory loss?” 

“It could be.” He says. 

“Is my memory loss permanent?” 

“I really don’t know Ms. Y/L/N. The brain is a funny thing.” 

“Is there anything I can do to get my memories back?”

“Maybe therapy that focuses on trying to see if you have buried memories.”

“Do you think I did this to myself?” You feel slightly angry. 

“No but someone could have made you bury them.”

“How though?” 

“There are numerous ways.” He says looking at you sadly. “Any other questions for me?” 

You shake your head no. 

“Well Ms. Y/L/N I wish you luck. Have a good day.” He smiles as he ushers you back to the lobby. 

You get back home around 3:45pm. Before you can get your key all the way in the lock the door swings open. 

“Oh goodness Miranda you scared me.” You say pressing a hand to your chest. 

“Where have you been?” She asks and you can see fear in her eyes. 

“Doctor Harmon’s.” You follow her into the apartment. 

“Why didn’t you call me or text me? I would have gone with you.” 

“I...I didn’t want to bother you.” You said as you sit down on the couch. 

“You wouldn’t have bothered me.” 

“Don’t you get it Miranda I feel like a burden?” 

“What?” 

“I feel like I am a burden to you. I don’t have a job anymore. You pay for everything. I don’t even know you.” You shake your head and bury your face in your hands. 

“How long have you been feeling this way?” Miranda asks as she sits down next to you. 

“A while.” You say quietly. 

“Well is there anything I can do so you don’t feel this way?” 

“I think I need some space.” You can barely get the words out. You’re scared of hurting this woman. 

“Space?” 

“Like my own place and maybe a new job. Maybe we see less of each other for a bit.” You watch as your words sink in and her face falls. “Dr. Harmon recommend therapy. Maybe I could try that and try to figure things out on my own for awhile.” You bite your lip and look at the floor. 

She clenches and unclenches her fists over and over. You watch her as she closes her eyes and looks to be trying to calm herself. “I need to travel to London for awhile why don’t you just stay here and do whatever you need to do?” 

“Alright.” You agree. 

“I’ll go book my flight and pack a few things.” She gets up and walks away. 

You feel like you made a mistake but you don’t even know what exactly you have done. You want to get up and chase after her, beg her to forgive you and forget everything you said but you can’t get your legs to move. You sit there for hours watching as the sun sets and the sky becomes illuminated with the city lights. You hear a broken sound and it takes you longer than it should to realize it’s you sobbing as your heart breaks apart. You don’t hear her or notice her until she’s pulling you into her arms. You she doesn’t say anything she just holds you until your sobbing stops. Some part of you feels like she has put a few of your pieces back together just by being there. 

“You should go to bed.” She says softly. 

You look around for a clock to tell you what time it is. When did it become so late you wonder...it’s almost midnight. You realize the thought of your dark lonely room doesn’t appeal to you. You cup Miranda’s face and pull her mouth to yours. You aren’t even sure why you would do that but it felt right. She pulls away from the kiss but gently caresses your cheek. 

“No.” She says and you watch as she gets up and walks to her room and shuts the door. 

You just sit there and think about the look on her face when she said no. It was like she wanted to and it hurt her she couldn’t. You’re still sitting on the couch the next morning when she comes out of her room to leave to catch her flight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s shorter than normal.


	6. Chapter 6

“Did you sit here all night? Did you sleep? Look if you can’t take care of yourself I’m not going to leave you alone while I fly across the country.” 

You feel like you’re underwater. Everything is muffled. It feels like a fog has descended over you. 

“You’re leaving?” The words make their way through your brain and tumble out of your mouth. 

“Yes. You said you wanted space yesterday remember?” Miranda is looking at you. 

“I...I...I...My Miranda.” 

Why does your head hurt from trying to remember simple things? 

“What?” She walks closer to you and gently kneels in front of you. 

“You’re my Miranda. We’re dating right?” You ask looking into her eyes. Her face shows a confusion that you feel. 

“That’s a bit complicated at the moment.” She replies. 

“But I love you.” The words tumble out from some place you aren’t sure of. Do you love her? How long have you loved her? Does she love you? 

Miranda studies you. “Y/N?” She asks. 

“Yes, who else would I be?” You look at her. 

She is pulling you into her arms and kissing you in the very next moment. 

You pull back laughing. “Miranda, can you tell me what is going on?” 

“I’m not sure.” She shakes her head. “What’s the last thing you remember?” 

“I don’t really know. I just know I know you does that make any sense? I felt like I was under water and everything was far from me. Like there was a small light and I went for it and it was just you.” You’re blushing now. 

You’re pretty sure your brain is doing it’s own thing and you have no control. One minute you’re drowning in a darkness completely lost to the real world. The next minute you have some clarity. There is absolutely no warning before your brain decides to switch. You’re also starting to think that someone worked hard to program you this way. Or maybe you’ve always been this way stuck on a roller coaster ride of highs and lows. Just being pulled and pushed by a tide. You’re pushing against a barrier you can feel in your head. It’s like all the answers are there just barely within your reach. No matter how hard you try to get past the barrier you can’t. Why can you suddenly remember Miranda though? Your name and some simple things like your birthday and favorite color they are all there. 

“Okay I cancelled my flight.” Miranda says breaking you out of your thoughts. 

You don’t know where the few memories came from but you’re going to enjoy them in case they leave again. You’re up and pulling Miranda to you within a single second. Your mouth is on hers. Your fingers tangling in her hair. She pushes her tongue into your mouth. You’re fighting to keep dominance and she is fighting against you. It’s tongues and teeth in a dance. You pull her shirt out of her pants and start unbuttoning it. She I pulling you by your hair. Then she bites your bottom lip drawing blood. You moan into her mouth. You push her shirt off her shoulders having finished unbuttoning her shirt. You run a hand across her collarbone before brushing her nipples through her lace bra. You suck and bite down on her collarbone marking her as yours. She pulls your hair, pulling your mouth back to hers. You’re undoing her pants and trying to pull them and her underwear down while your lips stay on hers. She lifts your dress over your head and tosses it to the side. You undo her bra and pull away from her mouth to pull a perfectly pink nipple into your mouth. She moans into your neck as she bites down marking you. 

“Mine.” She moans into your ear. You melt into her. 

“I love you, Miranda.” You whisper into her ear. 

She kisses you and looks at you like she committing all of this to her memory. You slip your hand between her legs finding her slick. You rub your thumb over her clit. You push one finger into her and start pumping slowly. She hooks her fingers into the waistband of your underwear pulling them down letting them fall to your ankles. She waits for you to step out of them so she can tug you towards the couch. She pushes you down and climbs on top of you. Positioning herself so her clit can rub against yours. She is staring down at you through her curtain of brunette locks. You reach up to trace her cheekbones. She increases her speed and you feel yourself edging closer to your climax. You watch as she cries out as she reaches her climax. Her cries sending you to reach your own climax. 

You pull her down to you so you can hold her. You bury your face into her hair. You both lie there clinging to each other in silence. At some point Miranda sits up and pulls you into her lap. Your head is resting against her chest being calmed by the beating of her heart. That’s when you feel the darkness and fog invading your brain all over again. 

“No.” You feel the tears start to fall down your face. 

“Y/N.” Miranda reaches for you. 

“I don’t want the darkness to come back. Please don’t leave me.” You’re sobbing. 

Miranda is holding you tightly and telling you over and over that you both will figure this out. You cling to her as you fight so hard to remember every single detail you know about Miranda. You won’t let the knowledge of her ever slip away again.


	7. Chapter 7

“So how are things?” She asks as she looks up from the folder in her lap. 

“Fine.” You reply. 

“You’re fine?” She questions looking over her glasses at you. 

“Yes.” You smile innocently. 

“Any memories?” 

“No not really since remembering Miranda.” You sigh. 

“But you still don’t remember your relationship with Miranda?”

“Well no not completely. I mean I know how I feel about her and who she is currently and that I knew her before but that’s it.” You fidget with the edge of your sweater. 

“And Miranda took a trip to London, correct?” She writes something down. 

“Yes, we decided maybe I needed space for awhile to figure things out on my own without any influence.” 

“So when does she get back?”

“Two more weeks.” You smile involuntarily because you miss Miranda. 

“So what have you been doing while she is gone?” 

“Trying to figure out who I am and what I like. I have gone through my entire wardrobe and decided my former style isn’t something I like. I also have been redecorating my bedroom.” You smile you’re really proud of the things you have been doing. “Also reading lots of books. If there is a heaven I hope it looks like a Barnes and Noble.” You admit. 

The therapist laughs at your last comment. “Are you happy?” 

“I mean the things I have been doing have made me feel happy and like pieces of me are being completed.” 

“But?” She asks. 

“But I feel like the most important piece is in London.” You sigh. 

“Have you talked to her about that?” 

“No, I don’t want to be even more of a bother.” 

“Does Miranda think you’re a bother?” 

“I don’t think so, no.” 

“Maybe it’s time to call her.” She smiles reassuringly at you. 

“Would it be crazy to go to London?” You suddenly ask. 

“Do you want to go?” 

“Yes.” You answer honestly. 

“Then go. Well that’s all the time we have for today. Make an appointment up front for when you’re back in town.” She smiles. 

“Thank you.” You smile in return. 

You go back to the apartment and you pack and book a flight to London. You know where Miranda is staying she told you “in case of emergencies.” That was her words anyways. Something in you feels you should tell Miranda you’re coming and another part says Miranda would already know by now. You’re pretty sure she keeps tight tabs on you. You take an Uber to the airport and wait until it’s time to catch your flight. You arrive at the airport in London and you don’t even have to get a ride because Miranda is waiting for you. 

“You didn’t call.” She says. 

You drop your bag and throw yourself at her. Legs and arms wrapping around her in a tight embrace. Your mouth is on hers before she can do more than hold you to her. You finally pull away to catch your breath and you bury your face into her neck. 

“I missed you.” You whisper. 

“You’re the one that thought it was best that I come here.” She laughs. 

“I’m an idiot.” 

“I wouldn’t go that far maybe just stupid.” She is laughing. 

You finally untangle yourself from her and grab your bag in one hand and her hand in your other. 

“Take me home.” You say.

She nods and walks you out of the airport to a waiting car. You barely make into the door of her place before your mouth is on her mouth again. 

“As much as I would love to continue this. I don’t believe that’s why you came here.” She says as she pulls away from you. She leads you to sit down on the couch. She pours you both a drink before she takes a seat next to you. 

“I redecorated my room and I got a new wardrobe.” You say softly. 

“And?” She waits. 

“It has made me happy. Like little pieces are being put back together. Like I am a step closer to who I am.”

“But?” 

“But you’re not there. It’s like the biggest and most important piece of who I am walked away and went to London. You’re my home. You’re essential to my existence.” You fidget with the now empty glass in your hands. “I want to do this together. I want to learn you all over again. The real you. Not this Miranda you have been because I am a broken mess.” You look up to see her staring at you intently. 

“Alright, you should know I have someone hunting down records of what was done to you and who did this to you. I know my former boss Victor was behind it but I am going to kill every single person that hurt you. I’m terrible at emotional stuff. I don’t fall in love or get close to people if I can help it because they get hurt.” She says and you see a scared look in her eyes as she looks at you. “This is all my fault. You would still be happy and have your whole life if it wasn’t for me.” She says and comes out so heartbreaking. 

“Do I get a say?” You ask searching her face. 

“A say?” She asks clearly confused. 

“I would give up everything. All the things I have lost already. It doesn’t matter at all to me. You matter to me. Sharing my life with you. Loving you. Those things matter to me. Miranda Croft you have my heart and I want you to always be it’s keeper. Nothing at all could be more painful or upsetting than losing you. So whatever I have to do to keep you I am going to do it. The only thing that could ever hurt me is not having you in my life. I love you.” 

As soon as the last word is out of your mouth the glass that was in your hands is on the coffee table and Miranda is in your lap. Her mouth is against yours in the next second. 

“I have done bad things, criminal things.” She pulls back to look at you to see if you will change your mind. 

“I (kiss) don’t (kiss) care (kiss).” You smile. 

“I have killed people...like a lot of people.” 

“Still (kiss) don’t (kiss) care (kiss).” You smile at her. 

“What if I can’t say I love you all the time? What if I turn out not to be what you want?” 

“Stop worrying. You are exactly what I want flaws and all.” You press your lips to hers it takes her a few seconds before she responds back. 

“Bedroom.” She says against your lips.

You nod as she slips off your lap and takes you into her bedroom. You pause and look around. 

“What is it?” She asks. 

“It’s the first place I have ever seen that actually looks like you.” You let go of her hand and walk around looking at all the books on the shelves. There is a stack of anger management CD’s on top of her dresser. You walk over to her nightstand to find a picture frame with a picture of you and her in it. Not the same one she has in her New York apartment. Your head is on her shoulder, your eyes are closed and you have the biggest smile on your face. The way she is looking at you leaves no room for wondering how she really feels about you. 

“That was from your..”

“My thirtieth birthday dinner.” You smile interrupting her. 

“Yeah I think one of your coworkers at the time took it. I didn’t want to come because I don’t like groups.” She says as she fidgets with her hands. 

“I cried and told you I wouldn’t go if you weren’t going to be there.” You remembered. 

“You said I was the only gift you wanted for your birthday.” Miranda smiles. 

You laugh you can’t believe how easily the memory came back to you. You weren’t even trying to remember anything maybe that was the key. 

She pulls you against her and kisses you before biting down on your bottom lip. She swipes her tongue over the blood she has drawn before sticking her tongue in your mouth. She cups your ass. You moan into her mouth. Your fingers work on the buttons of her shirt. She tugs at the bottom of your shirt. You pull away so she can pull it over your head and toss it to the side. Lips and hands seek skin as more clothes are removed and tossed to the side. You push Miranda onto the bed and climb on top of her. 

“You never let me touch you in the past and it hurt.” The words tumble out of your mouth before your brain actively catches up. 

“I don’t know how to let someone be kind to me or to love me.” She lets out in almost a whisper. 

“Did something change?” 

“What do you mean?” She is staring intently at you with her blue eyes. 

“You let me touch you more now.” You say. 

“I almost lost you forever and I couldn’t bare to live like that.” 

You lean forward and place a gentle kiss to her lips. You settle your center above her center. You rock your hips back and forth. You both find a rhythm that works and you intwine your hands with hers. You’re looking into her eyes as the words “I love you” slip past your lips as you both reach your climax. 

Scars and freckles are kissed reverently. You just want to learn her all over again. Plant it all so strongly in your memories that you will never lose her again. You stare down at her face tracing her cheekbones and her lips with your index finger. 

“What are you doing?” Miranda asks opening her eyes to look at you. 

“Well see I made a decision.” 

“Oh and what would that be?” She asks. 

“I have decided that I am fully committed to cementing you into my memory so deep that no one can ever take you away from me again.” 

Miranda presses her lips to yours and she gently swiped her tongue against your lips asking for entrance. She pulls you down on top of her and rolls you over so that you’re beneath her. She proceeds to make love to you. You’re pretty positive this is the first time this has ever happened. Miranda is always to rough and demanding. Your hands are tangled gently in her hair as she makes you come undone with her tongue. You’re crying when she makes her way back up to you. 

“Why are you crying?” She asks gently wiping your tears with her fingertips. 

“I’m just so happy. I love you so much.” You say as a new onslaught of tears fall. 

“I love you too.” She whispers as she pulls you into her arms. 

You fall asleep to the sound of her breathing and the warmth of her skin against yours.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: self harm

“So how are things? How long have you been back?” She asks as she jots something down in her folder. 

“Things are good. Been back for maybe a week.” You smile. 

“Miranda came back with you?” She looks up from her folder. 

“Yes.” You say and you can feel your smile grow. 

“So things are good between you two?” She questions looking over her glasses. 

“I think they are.” 

“What does Miranda think?” She asks. 

“I think we are finally on the same page.” 

“And that is?” 

“We both love each other and we are going to get through this thing together.” 

“That’s good. Any new memories?” 

“Some that pertain to Miranda and our relationship. I wasn’t even trying and they came back.” You smile proudly. 

“Well that’s all the time we have for today. Please make another appointment for a couple weeks from now.” She smiles. 

You make your way out to the waiting area to find Miranda leaning against the wall waiting for you. 

“I thought you were busy today?” You ask. 

She shakes her head no. 

“So you just didn’t want to come to therapy with me. Oh okay you could have said that.” 

“I thought you would be upset.” 

“I’m not trying to put you into therapy you know? I just thought you know it might be helpful to me talking about your perspective.” 

Miranda‘s mouth forms an “O”. 

“You thought I was trying to get you into therapy? Seriously? Why would I think you need therapy? Couldn’t be the anger management CD’s in every CD player you own.” You roll your eyes and walk outside. 

“Where are you going?” Miranda calls out. 

“I thought it was a nice day and I would you know walk home.” 

“But I drove here.” She points at her vehicle. 

“Okay so you can drive back home and I will meet you there.” You smile. 

“It’s like six blocks.” She says. 

“And?” 

“What if something happens to you?” 

You let out a sigh. 

“I’m angry Miranda. I don’t want to be in a car with you right now.” 

“You’re angry...with me?” Miranda asks when it finally clicks. 

“Oh what gave you that idea.” Your sarcasm is biting. 

“Is it necessary to be a bitch?” She yells back. 

“Is it necessary to always be so closed off?” Now you’re yelling. 

“Fuck it! I don’t want to make a scene in public.” She says. 

“Yeah okay.” You say and continue walking away from her. You’re a few feet away when you realize she is following you. 

“What are you doing?” You ask and stop so she can catch up. 

“I can get my car later. I’m not letting you walk home alone.” She says. 

You feel your heart melt at that and your anger leaves you. Miranda doesn’t ask when you pull her into an alleyway and start kissing her. 

“Not angry anymore then?” She asks. 

“Will you just fuck me, Miranda?” 

“Seriously you yelled at me in the middle of the street and now you want me to fuck you?” 

You bite your bottom lip and nod. 

She laughs as she leans into your neck and you can feel her breath on your ear. “If you think it’s that easy you’re wrong.” She smirks as she grabs you by the arm and tugs you to her car. She pushes you into the passenger seat and buckles you in. 

You sit and wait quietly in the passenger seat. As soon as she is in the car and starts driving towards home her hand is on your thigh under your skirt. Every time she gets close to your underwear though she pulls away. You make a frustrated huff and she laughs. She moves your underwear to the side and pushes two leather covered fingers into your core without warning. She pumps in and out roughly but you find yourself getting wetter and wetter. Then she takes her hand away. You watch as she sucks your juices off of her gloved fingers. She parks the car seconds later. 

“Get out and go up to the apartment. I will be back later.” She says. 

“But Miranda.” You whine. 

“Do it and don’t you dare think of finishing what I started unless you don’t want to be able to sit for the next week.”

“Excuse me? Are you threatening to spank me?” 

“Yes and you will take it to. So go be a good girl and do what you’re told.” 

You climb out and shut the door behind you and make your way up to the apartment. You could go to your room and pout but instead you decide to get naked and lay in Miranda’s bed. You think of doing what she told you not to do but you’re a little bit frightened of her. You sit there thinking of the fight you had and you find yourself crying. Maybe she is really angry with you. What if you fucked it all up? It finally felt like you guys were making progress. The thoughts just play over and over in your head. Voices that you can’t place but feel like a memory tell you over and over that Miranda doesn’t want you. You’re not good enough for her. She’s never coming back for you. They play over and over with your own thoughts intertwined. You’re sobbing and choking just trying to breath. You just want silence you can’t take it anymore. You open Miranda’s drawer and find one of the many knives she has around the apartment. You open it and drag it across your wrist. With the pain comes the silence you longed for. You make a few slices across your arm before you feel completely at peace. They aren’t deep enough to kill you just enough to bring peace. You lay there silent tears rolling down your face and blood running down your arm. 

Miranda finds you later but the blood and tears have dried in their tracks. You’re asleep and it’s night. She gets her knife which is beside you cleans it and hides it in a new spot. She goes to the bathroom and finds something to clean your cuts. You wake up to her gently wiping at the blood on your arm. She doesn’t say anything and she won’t look at you. She walks back to the bathroom and comes back with antibacterial ointment and bandages. She works but doesn’t say anything. When she finishes she puts everything away and lifts you out of her bed effortlessly. She sits you down on the chair in the corner of her room and she strips the sheets you stained off of her bed. She throws the ruined sheets out and puts fresh sheets on her bed. Then she grabs a sweatshirt and some underwear out of one of her drawers and throws them at you. You put them on while she goes to the bathroom and changes into a tank top and leggings. She comes back and wordlessly picks you up and deposits you back into her bed. She turns off the lights and climbs into the bed next to you. You’re pretty sure she is still angry with you because she doesn’t even face you or try to cuddle with you. You listen for awhile to see if she is still awake but eventually sleep finds you. You wake you don’t know how much later to sniffling. 

“Miranda.” You reach for her. 

A hand clings to yours. You move towards her and pull her into your arms. 

“It’s alright.” You tell her as you hold her in your arms rubbing her back. “I’m sorry I messed up Miranda.” 

She shakes her head no. “That’s not it all.”

“I didn’t mean the things I said in our fight and I wasn’t trying to kill myself I swear.” You tell her. 

“I thought maybe I pushed you too far today. I thought you had killed yourself at first.” She said as a sob erupts from her chest. 

“I’m so sorry. I will do better. Everything was just so loud and I just wanted it to be quiet.” You tell her. “I thought that I messed up so badly that you wouldn’t want me anymore.” You admit. 

“There is nothing you could do that could change how I feel about you.” She whispers. 

You nod and you both cling to each other as you both cry until sleep finally overtakes you both hours later.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self Harm

Almost a week had passed since your fight. You hadn’t spoken about it either. You both pretended that day never even took place. Miranda spent most of her time working and you hid out in your room reading everything you could on recovering memories. It was like you only saw her in passing these days. Honestly you didn’t really care at this point. You felt like this relationship was falling apart before your eyes. 

“I’m going back to London.” She said one night when she walked in the door. 

You were sitting on the couch and you looked up from the book in your lap. 

“For how long?” You asked. 

“Does it matter?” She responds. 

“No, it’s your life. You do whatever you want Miranda. I mean isn’t that what you do now?” You say slamming your book shut as you get up to make your way to your room. 

She grabs you roughly by the wrist. “I’m not the one who shuts herself up in her room everyday.” 

“You’re never here and when you are you barely look at me. I felt it was better to hide out then to feel like I didn’t even exist to you.” 

“Is that what you think?” 

“I woke up a week ago to an empty apartment.” You say. 

“I had to work.” She says. 

“You were gone for two days and nothing as usual. I never have any clue where you are and if you are okay. Do you know what that’s like?” As soon as the words are out of your mouth you realize you made a mistake. 

“Seriously do I FUCKING KNOW what that’s like!!!! Should I remind you? Is your brain really that fucked up?” She is screaming at you. 

You pull away from her grasp like she burned you. You walk away to your room. You shut the door and lock it behind you. 

“You seriously think a lock will keep me out?” She calls. 

“No I just hoped you would have enough respect for me to not push your luck.” You yelled back. 

“What exactly are you going to do to me?” She laughs. 

“Don’t think I don’t know how to get you where it really hurts.” You reply. 

She breaks into your room before you get a chance to do anything. 

“Don’t you fucking dare.” She snarls. 

She pushes you onto the bed and pins your arms to your sides. You can see the pain and unshed tears in her eyes. She sighs and rests her forehead against yours. 

“I’m still here.” You whisper and you feel her release your arms. You wrap your arms around her and pull her flush against you. 

“Why can’t we just talk? I hate fighting with you.” You sigh as you push Miranda’s hair away from her face and kiss every inch of her face you can find. 

“I told you I am not good at relationships.” 

“Well don’t expect me to know how to handle things because you’re pretty much all I remember.” 

She looks at you with those bright blue eyes they have become your absolute favorite color in such a short time. 

“So why are you going to London?” You ask as she rolls you onto your side so you are now laying facing each other. 

“I thought maybe you needed space again.” She says. 

“So you don’t have to work?” You ask hopefully. 

“No.” 

“So would you stay with me?” You ask. 

“If that’s what you want.” 

“What about what you want?” 

Miranda stops she isn’t use to being asked about her wants. 

“I want to be with you.” She says. 

You feel the smile grow on your face and snuggle into her chest. 

“I want to always be with you. I hate when you have to leave for work. I’m terrified of doing something wrong and making you hate me or want me to leave. I don’t know who I am...I don’t want to be someone without you and that frightens me. It’s this horrible jumbled mess in my head. It’s like I can’t really breathe without you and this can’t be normal. None of this can be right. I want to get better. I want to get better with you but I am not really sure if that’s possible. I am afraid we are going to have to completely separate.” You feel your heart break as the last sentence leaves your mouth. 

She pulls you to her and kisses you and it tastes like goodbye. There is tears but you don’t speak. Kisses turn urgent with teeth and tongues. Hands tear clothes off in their search for skin. You can’t get close enough to Miranda soon enough. Then it’s like your drowning in her and nothing else exists. You spend all night and most of the next day tangled up in bed with each other. The next morning you wake to an empty bed. You go to Miranda’s room but it’s empty of all of her clothes and the few sentimental things she had. There is note and a letter showing that the apartment now belongs to you. You also have a checking account with a large sum of money to your name. No Miranda though and no way to find her if you wanted. She did leave an actual letter though. 

(Your Name), 

I’m giving you your space. I care about you and I hope that you figure things out. I’m sorry that all this happened to you. I feel responsible for what happened to you. I just hope whatever happens you’re happy.

\- M

“So how are you?” She is looking at her folder. 

“I’m okay.” You fake a smile. 

“How long has it been?” She asks. 

“A month, two weeks and three days.” You sigh. 

“Have you been sleeping?” She asks. 

“When I take the pills the psychiatrist you sent me to prescribes.” 

“Are you eating?” She asks as she runs her eyes over your body. 

“What I can tolerate.” You reply. 

“Not hungry still?” She jots something down. 

“Not really. You’re getting really close to being too thin it’s unhealthy. I know you don’t want to be hospitalized.” She says.

“I’ll do better. I promise.” You smile another fake smile. 

“Any thoughts of self harm or harming someone else?” She is writing again. 

“The thoughts never leave me.” You say defeated. She knows you only have thoughts of hurting yourself. You couldn’t physically hurt anyone else you would rather watch your own blood run. 

“Have you acted on your thoughts?”

You push up sleeves and pants to show dozens of cuts in different stages of healing. They cover your arms and legs at this point. 

“Okay so why don’t we try something new because I will do my best to keep you out of the hospital. Why don’t I get you a prescription for Revia? It will take away the calm euphoric feeling cutting gives you. It will leave you with just the pain.” 

“Okay.” You nod. 

She hands you the prescription.

“I want to see you again at the end of this week.” She tells you as your checking out. 

You go back to the apartment back to Miranda’s bed that stopped smelling like her a few weeks ago. You pull the covers around you and you cry until the tears just won’t come. Then you just stare into nothing because there is nothing and you are nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have a therapist and she can give write prescriptions and I also who have a psychiatrist for the most part they handle my medicine though. Also Revia is a medicine I was given at 19 and told exactly what the Reader was told. In case anyone wondered I mean.


	10. Chapter 10

“How long has it been?” You weren’t expecting her to start the conversation like that but she does. 

“Three months, two weeks and four days.” You tick off the numbers. 

“How are you sleeping?” She is writing as usual. 

“I don’t really need those pills anymore. I sleep probably 15 hours a day.” You realize you have spiraled into depression. 

“Eating?” She asks. 

“It’s like I can’t ever get full.” 

“Well at least you put the initial weight you lost back on.” She smiles in a hopeful way. 

“Thoughts of hurting yourself or others?” 

“Not really it’s all just empty.” 

“Well that could be the new medicine.” She says. 

“It’s like I am a zombie. I kind of like not feeling.” You admit. 

“That’s not exactly good or healthy.” She says. 

You zone out for remainder of the appointment. You make your next appointment on the way out like you’re supposed to. You smile when you should. You do absolutely everything everyone expects of you. 

You start the walk back to the apartment because it’s nice outside. You aren’t even paying attention when you walk right into someone. 

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” You say. 

You’re almost positive you have never seen this woman before but you’re terrified suddenly. Flashbacks of white coats, scrubs and meds being given by needles flood your brain. You hear a scream and you feel overwhelming panic. 

“What did you do to her?” A voice asks the woman you bumped into. 

“Nothing I swear.” The woman has her hands up in a defensive manner. 

You don’t know what happens before you’re pulled into warm arms. 

“Come on let’s go home.” The voice whispers into your ear. You just bury yourself into brunette hair. You’re brought home and tucked into Miranda’s bed which has become yours over the past months. You let sleep overtake you. 

You wake an unknown amount of time later and it takes you a minute to piece things together. 

“Miranda.” You call over and over until you’re yelling and becoming hysterical. 

“Hey, hey.” She says as she walks in the room. 

“You’re here.” You’re up and reaching for her. 

She holds out her arms because she knows you well enough at this point. Within seconds you’re completely wrapped around her and she is holding you. You’re sobbing but at the same time it’s like you can really breathe for the first time in months. 

“I am a liar. I can’t do this thing without you. I was just terrified of my feelings. I have never loved someone the way I love you. I am so sorry. Please say you’re going to stay?” You know you are begging and you sound pathetic. 

“Of course. I am happy to be wherever you are.” She smiles and you’re worried because it sounds too good to be true. 

“I love you, Miranda.” 

“I love you too.” She whispers. 

You’re happy and you’re whole and nothing matters. You don’t need your past or all the memories that still escape you. You just need Miranda. 

Music starts playing and you’re confused. Where is it coming from? You wake up it’s your alarm clock it was all a dream. You have a job interview to be a receptionist at a contracting firm. Then you have therapy. You also have plans with a couple of girls you have met in your DBT group you have been going to for the past four months. 

“Y/N so how are you?” 

“Pretty good. I had a job interview this morning that went well, I think. I have dinner and movie plans with a couple girls from the DBT group.” You smile. 

“Any new memories?” She looks up from her folder that you have watched grow the past year and a half. 

“No but I am okay. I don’t need all the answers to be happy and stable. I will take what I have and make new ones. I just want to focus on the here and now.” 

“That’s good.” She smiles back at you. “Sleeping and eating okay?”

“Yep, perfectly normal.” 

“Any thoughts of hurting yourself or others?” She asks as she writes. 

“No not for a long time now.” You answer. 

“That’s great.” She smiles. “How long has it been?” 

You knew the one question you to try to pretend that you don’t even keep up with was coming. 

“One year, seven months, one week, and six days.” You sigh and there it is the one thing you’re not over. 

“Any news?” She asks. 

“No, I hired someone to find her but she is good at not being found unless she wants to be.” 

She shakes her sadly in acknowledgement. 

“It’s just like I figured everything out. Realized the past isn’t really important. I don’t have to let all the bad things control me. I am just ready to move on and be completely happy.” You say. 

“When do you move?” She is still writing. 

“Next Tuesday.” You sold the apartment and found a little house in the country. 

“How far away did you say it was again?” She asked. 

“Like four and a half hours from here.” 

“And you said the job interview was for their branch there right?” She clarifies. 

“Yes their current receptionist just had a baby and has decided to become a stay at home mom.” You smile. 

“Well you have the recommendations I gave you right for a new therapist there?” She asks. 

“Yes I am actually meeting two different ones in two weeks.” 

“Well we are out of time. I wish you luck. I hope things will continue to improve for you.” She smiles, stands and pulls you in for a hug. 

“Thank you.” You reply as you hug her back. 

Your dinner and movie plans turned out to be a surprise going away party. Most of your DBT group was there. Tim has been flirting with you most of the night. He noticed you months ago and still hasn’t given up on trying to get you to like him back. This is the last time you will see him. You’re not paying for this party and the drinks have been free. You start thinking how it’s been awhile and maybe he is slightly attractive. A few more drinks consumed by him and you’re thinking your assessment was wrong. He is making all the worse jokes and they aren’t funny at all even though everyone is laughing. 

It’s barely 10pm when you decide to call it a night. You’re given hugs, kisses, and numerous well wishes. You plaster a smile on your face and reply when expected. You are so thrilled when you finally can leave and go home. 

You spend the rest of the week and weekend packing up the apartment. It’s sad to give up the last tangible thing that connects you to Miranda but it’s time. Monday morning rolls around and you meet with the movers who load up your boxes and tell you they will meet you there tomorrow afternoon at your new house. 

Tuesday comes and you get ready grab your purse and the one small box of things you had kept with you overnight. You look around the apartment one last time. You rub the tears from your face as you lock up and leave the keys down in the office for the new tenant. 

It’s almost midnight when you decide your settled enough in your new place to call it a night. You got all your boxes brought in by the movers and your new furniture delivered. You got the call you start your new job on Friday. You’re happy to have two days to work on unpacking and setting up before you start your new job. You also need to find a new local DBT group. You jot down a quick post it of things you need to do before starting your new job before you’re ready to turn in. 

The next day you’re unpacking when your doorbell rings. You open the door to a box with an envelope addressed to you. You open the envelope to find a letter. 

(Your Name) 

Finally found some answers. I hope they help you.

-M

You throw the letter and box down and run outside down the street. 

“Miranda.” You yell as you run up and down the street looking for her. 

“Miranda please you stupid woman come back. I need you.” You know you must look insane but you don’t care.


End file.
